I have sex with my boss but long for another colleague I had an affair with

DEAR DEIDRE:  I HAVE sex with my boss just to fulfil my sexual needs but my heart will always belong to another colleague who I had an affair with and fell for.

We work in a shoe factory. I’m a divorced woman of 39 with a job as a machinist. They recruited a guy to do the routine maintenance early last year. He’s 29 and trained as an engineer but couldn’t get a job that really used his level of training. He’s lovely, but married.


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We spent a long time together when my machine kept playing up and I’d be calling him over on a daily basis. We’d chat and he told me that he and his wife no longer got along. They were waiting for their house to sell before they would separate for good.

We started an affair. At first it was just kissing and fumbling in the stock room and then it was full sex at my place after work. I started to have real feelings for this man.

One evening he leapt out of my bed remembering he should have been going to a party at his in-laws’. We had a row about it because I thought his marriage was over.

I was yelling, he was yelling, and he ran out, slamming the door as he left. He never came back and that was the end of our affair.

The factory manager then started flirting with me — word had clearly got around about my affair. 

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He started asking me to go on holiday with him but I refused. He’s 55 and divorced.

I eventually agreed he could take me out, as I have my needs, so we’d go to nice hotels, drink champagne and have sex. It was OK but nothing like as good as sex with my lover.

Then lockdown happened and I was furloughed. 

I’m back at work now and my boss is keen for us to book that holiday, but there’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about my younger ex.

I see him every day and it’s so hard to forget him and move on.

DEIDRE SAYS: Neither of these men is right for you, so why keep on? You have no emotional interest in your boss. You have no-strings, dead-end sex and risk catching or spreading Covid-19. He’s not miraculously going to turn into the man of your dreams.

Your ex-lover is married and the row over his commitment to his wife only went to show there is still some feeling. Why put up with being the other woman? You deserve better than being used by both these men.

Tell your boss that this relationship is not what you want and you should go back to having a strictly professional relationship.

Enjoy being single for a while. Go out with friends and network that way. When you’re ready to date again, my e-leaflet on Finding The Right Partner For You will help.

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