Madonna gave fans a vivid description of her raunchy sexual antics as she kicked off her show at the London Palladium this week after she axed the first gig of her UK tour.
The fiery superstar, 61, shocked audience members during opening night on Wednesday as she made x-rated jibes and bragged that she had never been with a man with a 'small d**k.'
The Like A Virgin hitmaker's Madame X Tour began with a series of lewd jokes as the singer teased fans about 'sharing STDs' and hinted at her sexual exploits by revealing she is 'good on her knees.'
The rebellious icon, who was previously married to Guy Ritchie, 51, and Sean Penn, 59, reportedly made several crude remarks and opened her legs wide, grabbed her crotch and bent over in raunchy routines.
According to The Sun, Madonna brazenly asked the audience: "What do you call a man with a small penis? The answer is, I wouldn't f**king know. I've never been with a guy with a small d**k.
"You know size matters, don't pretend that it doesn't!"
The singer's harsh dig towards all of her ex-lovers, including model Kevin Sampaio, 31, legend Warren Beatty, 82, and rapper Vanilla Ice, 52, wasn't her only sexual jibe of the night.
The mum-of-six reportedly glugged on a fan's beer bottle before shockingly telling the starstruck audience member that they had now 'shared STDs'.
The publication also claimed that Madonna made an outrageous gag about her sex life as she cheekily referred to her 'good' feedback.
She boasted: "Usually I kneel for about 20 minutes and that’s fine. I’m good at it, so I’ve been told."
Later in the show the queen of pop referenced classical computer Mozart as she made another seedy joke and revealed she uses gay hook up app Grindr to find her assistants.
She reportedly opened her legs before declaring: "That’s right ladies and gentleman, this is what it’s like to have Mozart come out of your p***y."
The multi-million-selling singer’s opening night was the first of a 14-show stint at the Palladium over the next three weeks.
However, Madonna was forced to finish bang on time as she pointed out that Westminster City Council would crush her with a 'nine-ton iron curtain' if she breaks her curfew.
Writhing on stage with dancer boyfriend Ahlamalik Williams, 25, she told fans: "I’ve got to make it fast.
"There’s an iron curtain that’s going to come down at a certain time. I’ve been warned by Westminster Council. I hear it weighs nine tons, and that would hurt."
The star and her toyboy boyfriend were also joined on stage by her seven-year-old twin daughters Stella and Estere and Mercy, 14.
The diva wore knee supports as she performed the first show of her 14-date UK leg of her tour after cancelling Monday's show and being forced to rest over knee and hip injuries.
However, some reports claimed Madonna axed the first gig of her UK tour amid rumours she has struggled to sell tickets.
Madonna squashed struggling ticket sale rumours as she said: "I am deeply sorry I have to cancel my concert. Under doctors’ guidance I have been told to rest for a few days.
"As you all know I have injuries that have plagued me since the beginning of the tour but I must always listen to my body and put my health first.
The last thing I want to do is disappoint my fans or compromise the integrity of my show. So I will keep going until I cannot."
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